i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize