he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
