my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize