I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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