i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You were trust falling into bushes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
