Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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