So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
