Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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