This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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