i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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