your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
