I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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