Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
