So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
