i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
