Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize