The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
