i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize