Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize