It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
