last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
