I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
