I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
