Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
