My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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