i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
