also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
