I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
