forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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