I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
