So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
