well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
