there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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