I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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