I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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