of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
