Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
