I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
