Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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