Your tits are I can't wait for
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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