Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
