Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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