he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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