My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
