Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
