Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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