Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize