Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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