either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
