Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
