the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
