just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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