i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
