3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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