just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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