how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
