.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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