Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
