Having a random hookup so left but love u
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
