im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
