He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
