what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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