I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
