I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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