I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
