Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
