Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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