could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
