Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
