Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she smelled like a LAN party
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
