i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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