Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
