I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
