Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
