he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
