We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
