The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize