Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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