we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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