So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
