Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
