the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
