As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
