so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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