Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
