Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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