Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
