Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
