I smell stomach acid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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