bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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