then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
