What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
