Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize