the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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