Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
