So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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