Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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