I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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