as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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