i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
