she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
